


Dead Poets Society

by actualshittyknight



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, Bisexual Sirius Black, Desi James Potter, F/F, Fluff, Gay Remus Lupin, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Indian James Potter, Indian Sirius Black, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining James Potter, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Shy Remus Lupin, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Slow Burn, Soft Sirius Black, Tamil Sirius Black, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, alright so i don’t think this has been done before, also welton is coed bc i said so, also yeah its the fifties, alsoooooo, if it has i’m sorry, more specifically - Freeform, though i’m not sure how much it will come up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28887615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualshittyknight/pseuds/actualshittyknight
Summary: Whatever, or whoever, had decided to make Sirius and Remus roommates, must’ve known that they would need each other. Whatever decided that James should meet the love of his life when she was practically betrothed to one of the biggest political families in Vermont, was a different, cruel, and spiteful force. But, if it was the same force that allowed the two kindest girls at Welton to fall in love (with music, obviously) together, it couldn’t be completely evil.A Dead Poets Society AU !! I didn’t see one before I started writing, and this is just me having a little fun.In progress and writing furiously! :D
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter One: Remus

_O baffled, balk’d, bent to the very earth,_

_Oppress’d with myself that I have dared to open my mouth,_

_Aware now that amid all that blab whose echoes recoil upon me I have not once had the least idea who or what I am,_

_But that before all my arrogant poems the real Me stands yet untouch’d, untold, altogether unreach’d,_

_Withdrawn far, mocking me with mock-congratulatory signs and bows,_

_With peals of distant ironical laughter at every word I have written,_

_Pointing in silence to these songs, and then to the sand beneath._

_-Walt Whitman, As I Ebb’d With the Ocean of Life_

Summer in Vermont was never too warm. Perhaps that was the draw of New England; its agreeable climate, old established families, proximity to the ivy leagues, and plenty of open space to build large houses. Even though the September sun had hardly ever hurt anyone, Remus was sweating buckets in his tweed suit. His hair had begun to curl where it met his pale face, despite being slicked flat to his head. It never really stayed like that for long, but his mother had insisted he fix it for his first day. The bricked courtyard buzzed with anxious, polite conversation between parents and children, teachers and students. The topic of college hung at the forefront of it all, any personal anecdotes were sparse and only met with polite, haughty chortles. Surrounded on all four sides by some kind of ancient wall, sound billowed around them, and made Remus’ head swirl. His heart beat at twice its normal speed as his parents forced him to pull the corners of his mouth up and shake hands with their colleagues and old schoolmates. He knew his hands were embarrassingly sweaty, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. His parents’ balding friends discreetly wiped their hands on slacks that could have paid someone else’s mortgage. 

“Oh! You’ll go to Yale like your father, won’t you,” they would say. 

“Your father was one of Welton’s finest!”

“So they’ve been hiding a Lupin up at Balincrest all this time?” 

Remus would only nod back. Jesus, why was he supposed to know at sixteen? He supposed he didn’t have to since every adult in his vicinity already did. After meeting so many people, Remus’ eyes felt glazed over and his fingertips felt numb. He began to have trouble breathing after the fourth handshake and, as his parents steered him towards his tenth, he began to feel lightheaded. As Remus looked around for something, anything, else he noticed that the other boys had begun to shed their uniform jackets. He longed to do the same but he had most definitely sweat through his white collared shirt and his mother would scold. He tugged at his tie all the same and his mother swatted his hands away, telling him to mind his manners. He should’ve learned by now that breathing wasn’t polite.

As the clock struck one, Remus’ parents saved him from a particularly chatty Harvard law graduate (who had the biggest firm in all of Chittenden!), and dragged him towards the car. He knew this meant they would be gone soon and, though he would be rid of the nagging, it meant he wouldn’t have anyone else. Remus’ parents opened the boot and shoved two suitcases into his hands as well as his typewriter case.

“Study hard, we expect great things, Remus,” his father told him before getting in the car. 

“And have a little fun! Meet a nice girl,” said his mother, following suit. There were no hugs, not even polite kisses on the cheek like Remus had seen the younger boys get. No, Remus was old enough to handle a goodbye like a man. Despite what his parents expected of him, he had never felt like more of a child. Remus blinked back a few tears, he would miss his room at home. 

As Remus trudged back towards the school he suddenly realized that he had no clue where his dorm was and, even worse, that he would have to ask about it. Why the hell didn’t he ask his parents? He couldn’t just ask someone here, everyone was too busy talking. Remus scanned the crowd for one, just one, person void of company that he could ask. Not a soul appeared disengaged from commenting on the weather or debating Harvard versus Yale or asking an old peer how business was going. He would have to interrupt a conversation with someone he didn’t know or, worse, go back to that Harvard law graduate he’d already forgotten the name of. How silly would people think him if he didn’t even know the way to his own room. He supposed he could wait until all of the parents left and then wander the halls until he found the door with his name on it? He’d miss dinner, but it wasn’t like hadn’t been sent to bed without it before. Oh, classes hadn’t even started yet and he would already make a fool of himself. He stood rooted to the ground, helpless, until a smirking boy in navy Welton uniform approached him.

“Remus Lupin?” the boy said. Unlike everybody else Remus had met that day, he was actually asking. The boy’s long, dark hair was held back in a slick ponytail, but from the curls framing his face Remus could see that it desperately wanted to get out. The boy had loosened his tie and he held his jacket over one shoulder. The pit stains on his shirt made Remus, in some kind of backwards way, feel slightly less afraid. He had dark, grey eyes and his skin was a soft golden brown color. He held out his hand expectantly. What Remus meant to say was,

“Yes, hello! And you are?”

But what he actually said was,

“Yes, uh-“ before he choked and started coughing. He settled for a nod and a handshake and the other boy politely laughed. 

“Sirius Black,” the boy supplied, “we’re roommates.” Oh. Remus hadn’t realized that he would have a roommate. His father and mother had both spoken of their roommates during their time at Welton. In fact, he’d met both of them today, but it had never occurred to him that he would be sharing a room himself. Remus realized he wouldn’t have the privilege of being alone again until December. He wondered if people cried in front of their roommates, and vaguely thought he might cry right then. Here was a kind looking, innocent boy who would be stuck with boring, stiff Remus Lupin. Dear God had this kid gotten the short end of the stick. He hadn’t realized he was frowning until the other boy said, bitterly,

“They won’t let you change now, we’re stuck.” Remus realized what he had done and his eyes grew wide.

“Oh- no! Sorry I just- I- I just didn’t- you seem lovely, really!” As Remus stuttered out his apology, Sirius’ lips grew a tired but amused smile. Most Welton boys had the same reaction to rooming with him, one of the only brown kids in the entire school, and he figured he might as well get a laugh out of their desperate stammering. He had hoped this one would be different, though. Sirius only decided to end Remus’ suffering when he saw him blinking back tears. 

“Shall we head up?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded gratefully. He stayed close at Sirius' heel as he weaved through the halls, gracefully dodging people and shooting charming smiles at parents he must’ve known. By the time they made it to their floor, Remus was wearing his shoulders like earrings. He was much taller than Sirius, and something in the back of his mind vaguely noted that Sirius would fit perfectly under his chin. They reached the most crowded hall yet, and Remus had to resist the urge to cling onto the back of Sirius’ shirt. When Sirius abruptly stopped abruptly, Remus nearly ran into him.

“Peter,” he greeted a short, blond boy politely. The boy smiled back.

“I heard your roommate’s the new kid. The fuck kind of a name’s Remus Lupin?” Peter, apparently not having seen Remus towering behind Sirius, had shoved his foot so far down his throat he could’ve choked. Sirius stopped him.

“Well, I suppose Remus here could tell you himself,” Sirius said gesturing behind him.

“Oh… oops,” Peter said in lieu of an apology, then ran off. Sirius sighed before wordlessly opening the door next to him to reveal a room roughly the size of Remus’ mother’s closet.

“Home sweet home!” Sirius joked, gesturing to the sad, small room. It was nice enough, though the walls were an empty expanse of beige and the window had been painted shut. The only other light in the room came from a dim bulb in the ceiling. Plus, to be fair, Remus’ mother did have quite a large closet. The wooden floor creaked as Remus moved inside and closed the solid door behind him, grateful for the effort it made in dulling the chatter outside. There were two, rickety metal bed frames with ancient looking mattresses. Sirius had already picked the bed on the right, and his suitcases were in a neat row beside it. Remus felt Sirius staring at his face, and for the first time that day he had a moment to worry about the large scar that ran over the bridge on his nose. Sirius was staring so intently that he almost brought a hand up to cover the angry, red mark. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t ask about it.

“Listen, please don’t mind Pettigrew. It’s really not your fault,” Sirius said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Remus almost let his shoulders drop when the door banged open and the space filled with chatter once more.

“Sirius!” shouted the culprit. Remus’ shoulders resumed their position as earrings.

“Jamie!” Sirius cried, jumping up. The two boys hugged fiercely. Remus didn’t know the etiquette for this situation. Should he introduce himself or leave them be?

“How’s Walburga?” Jamie asked, slightly teasing. Remus wondered if this was his girlfriend and really hoped they wouldn’t have sex in the room.

“Oh you know, she never could get that stick out of her ass,” Sirius joked back.

Remus supposed she wasn’t his girlfriend. He had just found the courage he needed to pipe up when two girls in Welton blazers and matching ankle length skirts bounded in. He almost thought he could cry. The girls were chatting loudly about how excited they were for ‘study group’ and Remus wondered if everyone here was just as stiff as their parents. There were now five people shoved into the closet sized bedroom, and when the girls closed the door behind them Remus felt his escape routes slowly dwindling. He clung to the metal bedpost tightly and prayed that nobody else would notice. One girl quickly lit a cigarette and took a puff before passing it to Jamie.

“Everyone, this is Remus Lupin!” Sirius announced. Remus felt four pairs of eyes slide down his awkward, lanky body. He felt like his knees could give out any second. 

“James Potter,” said the boy with kind eyes and an outstretched hand. His skin was slightly darker than Sirius’, and while his hair was much shorter, it was far messier. He wore circular glasses and looked genuinely pleased to be shaking Remus’ hand.

“You know your father’s basically a legend around here,” said one of the girls, snatching the cigarette back from James. Remus’ head jerked to face her. She was stout, with dark bobbed hair and heavily defined cheekbones. Her eyes were a piercing shade of blue, and her mischievous smile made Remus more afraid than he already was.

“Mary Macdonald,” the girl said. Her right hand gripped Remus’ almost tight enough to hurt. Her left hand held the cigarette to a pair of thin lips. He nodded. 

“Marlene Mckinnon,” came a smooth voice. The girl wore round glasses and had her deep red hair in a slick bun. She gave him the softest smile he had seen all summer as she waved from across the room. Remus nodded again.

“Where’s Dorcas?” James asked. Remus wondered who the hell Dorcas was and whether he would have to meet her soon. He’d done enough introductions today to last a lifetime. The girls both shrugged and Remus assumed he was safe for now. 

“Who cares,” said Mary, “are we doing study group this year?”

“Well I aced English and Mckinnon passed Latin, so I suppose we’re all set.” Sirius said with a decided grin, snatching the cigarette from Mary.

“Count Dorcas in!” Marlene added hurriedly, and then blushed.

“Peter too,” James said, apprehensively.

“Oh God. What’s his specialty, bootlicking?” Mary whined, the corners of her mouth tipping down.

“He already asked me. We can’t just leave him out!” James implored. Mary looked ready to argue when the door opened once more. Sirius swiftly dropped the cigarette, crushed it under his foot, and kicked it under his bed in one fell swoop. Remus thought he might faint if he had to meet someone else. He expected another navy Welton uniform, but the woman who walked in certainly wasn’t a student. She wore an emerald green pantsuit, shiny black heels, and an intense frown. She towered over the room and looked down on the inhabitants. The inner corners of her thin eyebrows looked as if they were held down by twenty pound weights. Before anyone else could say anything she focused her gaze on Marlene and Mary.

“You girls shouldn’t be on the boys’ hall, it’s highly improper,” she told them in some strange form of greeting.

“Mother!” Sirius’ voice had raised about two octaves, “I thought you’d left.” Oh.

“Yes well, I’ve decided you’re quitting the school annual,” she announced as if she were telling him she’d decided to try a new hairstyle. From the highly decorated look of her, Remus supposed her hair might’ve held more importance.

“Mother, I’m assistant editor this year,” Sirius tried gently.

“Hm. I’m sorry, Sirius,” though Remus didn’t think she sounded sorry. 

“Mother, I can’t leave now it wouldn’t be fair,” Sirius’ voice cracked and he drew his shoulders in towards his chest. The small boy jumped as the woman grabbed his arm so hard Remus thought her nails might leave a mark.

“If you’ll excuse us,” the woman’s chin jutted out proudly and her eyebrows lowered impossibly further as she led Sirius away with a tight grip. The rest of the room’s occupants followed to listen to their conversation at the door. Remus only heard bits and pieces through the overpowering chatter:

“What would your father-“

“Never defy me in front of your-“

“You have a family name to live up to!”

And then a resigned:

“You know me, always taking on too much.”

To Remus’ relief, the rest of the occupants fled the room. A moment later, Sirius returned with less swagger than he had when he left. Remus felt like he should say something. After all, he’d have to talk to his roommate sometime.

“Is everything…” he began. Sirius remained unbothered. “I mean- are you-“

“Fine,” Sirius told him abruptly, without looking up. Then softer, he said, “Thank you.” Remus sighed heavily, he really couldn’t do anything right.

“Come to study group tomorrow?” Sirius asked suddenly, hopefully.

“Nah I got um- I have to…” he didn’t finish and nearly changed his mind. As much as Remus longed for company, he didn’t know how to sit at a table as rambunctious as their room had just been for as long as ‘study group’ would last. But he really did want to. He wished Sirius would read his mind and invite him again but instead he told him,

“Suit yourself.”


	2. Interlude: Remus

Remus shuffled in his bed, he didn’t know how anyone could sleep with someone else in the room. He’d never had siblings and the thought of someone else looking at him made him squirm. He rolled over to find Sirius with his eyes glued to the ceiling.

“Can’t sleep?” Sirius asked, softly. Remus shook his head, and then realized Sirius wasn’t looking.

“Nope,” he tried.

“Well don’t worry, I won’t do anything to you,” came Sirius’ tart reply.

“Oh I- well I didn’t think… oh,” Remus wished he could get a full sentence out without choking. He felt young, small. Sirius, however, was clearly feeling brave.

“Why don’t you like me?” Sirius asked, suddenly. Remus’ eyes filled with tears. God, this wonderful day had truly saved the best for last. Remus struggled to find words, any words, that could make this better. To his surprise, they came.

“I do.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“You do.”

“...Yes.”

“You don’t act like it,” Sirius rolled to face him. Remus’ eyes were glistening embarrassingly.

“Sorry- I- I’m sorry really. I just met so many people today,” his voice broke.

“Oh,” Sirius replied. There was a long silence. The air in the room was still and Remus was having considerable trouble heaving it into his lungs. He almost thought the conversation was over when Sirius began to laugh. Remus supposed it did sound pathetic when he said it out loud.

“God, I thought you didn’t like me because I’m brown!” He continued laughing, softly. Remus was mortified, he had never meant to hurt anyone. He knew how short his responses came, but he was powerless to stop it against the ever growing pressure on his ribs. But Sirius kept laughing, really laughing, and soon Remus gave his own small giggle. 

“No,” he told Sirius.

“Well, good to know we’re friends.”

_Friends_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little interlude. I think I’m going to do lots of these in between bits because they’re a lot easier to write than bigger chapters. 
> 
> Speaking of bigger chapters I have an actual chapter coming at y’all tomorrow and it’s mostly plot stuff.
> 
> I don’t think many people are reading this at this point, but I’m having a lot of fun writing. <3


	3. Chapter Two: Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY PLEASE READ!
> 
> Alright my friends so this chapter is a bit heavy which is why, if any of you lovelies turned on notifications, I’m posting two chapters in a night (this and a softer interlude). Anywho, content warnings for this chapter include:
> 
> -Child abuse (nothing gory, but there is physical violence), you can skip this part by omitting what’s in between the bold lines. You won’t miss much, just further explanation of Sirius’ bad home life.  
> -Period typical homophobia

_Ravens at night hide in an old woman’s shoe._

_A four-year-old speaks some ancient language._

_We have lived our own death a thousand times._

_Each sentence we speak to friends means the opposite_

_As well. Each time we say, “I trust in God,” it means_

_God has already abandoned us a thousand times._

_-Robert Bly, Ravens Hiding in a Shoe_

Sirius began his first day of school by stumbling, delirious, into a chaotic bathroom. Class started at six o’clock, so at five o’clock, ten summer-logged boys tried to jam themselves into the tiny room like a jigsaw puzzle. The floor to ceiling tile made the room an echo chamber with an overpowering scent of expensive cologne. Had Sirius been more awake he would’ve warned Remus, but now it was all he could do to stay upright and brush his teeth. He had fallen asleep about an hour after his chat with Remus and had gotten roughly four hours of turbulent sleep. Despite his late night, Sirius felt quite warm at the thought of how he spent it. Sirius had plenty of friends, and he knew this, but there was something about maybe gaining Remus’ trust that made his chest feel wide and his mind feel spacious. Perhaps it was due to the boy’s quiet nature. Sirius decided that it felt special because his other friends were loud and extroverted. They didn’t need help making friends, hell, they didn’t need Sirius at all when there were so many of them. But Remus had chosen Sirius, and nobody else, to laugh with first. That had to count for something, even if neither of them knew what it was.

Sirius ran a comb over his unruly locks, and they puffed up to twice their original size. The wonders of curly hair, he thought, shoving the mess into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. This ponytail was far less slick than the one he wore yesterday since his mother wasn’t there to fuss, and small curls stuck out at random across his head. 

His mother would’ve thrown a fit if she saw how he planned to leave the dorm that morning. His mother would’ve thrown a fit if she knew half the things Sirius got up to. While Welton was strict, no teacher there had the intense hawk-eye of his own mother. **It was like she could see through walls.**

“Are you finished with your Chemistry reading,” she would say, barging into Sirius’ room without a lick of warning.

“Oh yes,” Sirius would reply, shoving a copy of Julius Caesar into the waistband of his underwear, cleverly hidden by his shirt.

“I know you don’t need Chemistry to become a law student, but you do need it to graduate from Welton,” she said that a lot, and usually followed it with a pointed quirk of her eyebrow.

“Yes, mother,” he would say, dejected. He didn’t mind this too much. He only really minded when she got on to his little brother, Regulus. He remembered a particularly stressful moment when Reg had broken their teapot, an old family heirloom. The shatter had echoed through the dining room like a gunshot. Everyone held their breath, then she started.

“Regulus! Clean up this mess right now, you little-“

“Mother,” he stopped her, “it’s alright. I’ll clean it,” and then braced himself for the sting. He could usually close his eyes tight and guess how long it would be by how close her heels sounded. One, two, three, four- ow. Regulus would whimper. Their father would sip his coffee. Sirius would apologize. Everything would be normal again. Except that time she hadn’t only given him a slap on the cheek. When Sirius had opened his eyes again, she shoved his head into the doorframe on her way out. There was still a faint scar on his eyebrow where hair refused to grow. Sirius shuddered to think how his mother treated Reg when he wasn’t home. Kinder, he hoped. Sirius’ presence seemed to be the catalyst for her most extreme outbursts, beginning when she found his copy of Giovanni’s Room under his mattress.

**“Sirius, you know what we expect from you,” she had growled, before getting his father’s belt. He did know.**

He sighed, even though it meant waking up at five, Sirius was glad to be rid of her for three months. He quickly packed his toiletry bag and turned around, anxious to be rid of the raucous bathroom. If Sirius had been paying any attention to his surroundings, he wouldn’t have come so close to getting a face full of Remus’ sweater.

“Oh, hello!” Sirius said, narrowly avoiding collision. He looked up at him and Remus gave him a forced smile. 

“It can get pretty busy in here in the mornings,” Sirius told him, raising his voice against the noise, “but everybody showers at night here, so you could probably hop in there now.” Remus nodded, eyes wide. Poor thing, he looked scared out of his mind. He really did feel terrible now for making such a snap judgement about the other boy the day before. It wasn’t like Sirius’ theory was implausible, but he now realized that Remus was just as frightened of him as any other kid at Welton. He patted Remus’ shoulder in a way that he hoped felt comforting and not invasive, and quickly left the way he came. He didn’t see the way Remus stared after him like a lost puppy, hoping he might turn back around.

By the time lunch rolled around, Sirius had twenty questions of Chemistry, two chapters of Latin, thirty questions of Trigonometry, and the beginnings of quite a promising headache. At least Weltons’ graduating class size of twenty meant he didn’t have to go it alone. His friends looked as rough as he felt. Mary had nearly fallen asleep in their first lesson and had it not been for James kicking her heels the whole time, she might’ve. Marlene had been called on in their second and third lessons to answer questions she didn’t know the answers to, and looked a bit green at the prospect of the rest of their classes to come. Peter, James, and Dorcas might’ve convinced anyone else that they were holding their own, but Sirius saw how they knawed at their lips and scratched the backs of their hands raw. Worst of all, he couldn’t see how Remus was doing. Remus had chosen his place off to the left of the very first row, and Sirius would have to suspiciously crane his neck to get a good look at him. Before lunch, Sirius meant to find Remus and ask if he would join their table, but the taller boy was nowhere to be found.

At his usual table, Dorcas was incredibly busy reassuring Marlene how smart she thought she was. Even though it was unlikely that Marlene would believe her any time soon, she looked at Dorcas like she’d hung the moon and stars. Dorcas looked at Marlene like she was a bright silver anchor, glowing in shallow water. Dorcas was a kind girl with rich, dark skin and coily hair that she kept in two fluffy buns behind her head. She spoke smoothly and words always seemed to do what she wanted. Her energy was nothing short of serenity.

“Marlene, you’re the only person I know who could draw up the entire blueprint for a radio from scratch _and_ find all the parts _and_ still call yourself stupid,” she pressed gently. Marlene smiled back at her with wide eyes.

“You think so?” Marlene asked, hopeful and unsure, like Dorcas’ opinion was God.

“I know it,” replied Dorcas, picking up Marlene’s hand and squeezing it. Sirius rolled his eyes.

On the other end of the table, Mary was busy telling Peter how stupid she thought he was he was. 

“Honestly Peter, you’re two months ahead on Trig already and you still don’t know your present verb tenses in Latin?” Nobody stepped in to save the poor boy, someone had to take Peter down a peg. The rest of the lunchroom was just as loud, just as emotional. Young boys were running around pulling on pigtails as older boys argued loudly about their favorite football players. Younger girls kept to themselves while older girls clung to each other’s arms, screaming and whispering to each other. It was deafening. Amid the chaos, Sirius had resigned himself to napping on James’ shoulder. 

The bell jolted the kids out of their lunchtime stupor and the dining room became a flurry of school papers and napkinfulls of leftovers strategically shoved into briefcases and rucksacks alike. James grimaced as Sirius apologetically wiped a bit of drool from his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Sirius told him, sleepily.

“It’s ok, I hate these blazers,” James joked back. Sirius smiled weakly, knowing that James understood. He truly appreciated his best friend’s energy and optimism, especially when he couldn’t muster any for himself. If he was being honest, it was his first day and he didn’t know how much energy he had left. With college growing steadily closer, the liklihood of Sirius truly enjoying his life had begun to dwindle. Sirius came from an old family, a long line of lawmen that stretched back into the 1700’s. They expected him to follow suit, of course, but Sirius couldn’t have found the prospect more wearisome if he tried. He had always had a creative mind, good for pouring over stories and words like everything he read was the Bible. In his free time, Sirius had found ways to bask in Byron’s great poems and swim in Shakespeare’s plays. But it was all a waste of time, he knew that.

“Did you hear there’s a new English teacher?” Peter asked as the study group weaved through the halls in a sort of circular clump.

“No,” said James.

“Who?” pried Sirius.

“She’s-“ 

“McSomething or other. Honestly, she’ll be the same as any other english teacher at this school, keep your pants on,” interrupted Mary. Dorcas and Marlene giggled together at her bluntness. They all knew she was right and laughed along as they went to take their seats. 

The bell rang again and the students all quieted down. They sat anxiously awaiting instruction. The clock ticked. One minute. Two minutes. It was only when they had started to whisper conspiratorially amongst themselves that they heard a whistled Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture drifting out from the office. The kids all craned their necks to peer through the cracked open door and, after a moment, it popped open to reveal who they’d been waiting for. She was tall, thin, colorfully dressed, and, much like every other teacher there, ancient. It seemed like the only thing keeping her upright was the determined air that surrounded her. However, unlike the rest of their teachers who lived in beige, she wore deep purple suit bottoms, a black collared shirt, and leather boots that looked ready for work. Her sharp eyebrow almost reminded Sirius of his mother, but her demeanor suggested something less cruel.

The strange woman whistled as she wandered to the back of the classroom. Twenty pairs of eyes followed her as she simply walked out the door without addressing them. She came back a moment later.

“Well, are you coming or will you simply sit there?” All at once students were jumping out of their seats; the scraping of chair legs could be heard for miles.

“Should we take the book?”

“Yeah I think we’ll need it.”

“Should we take all our books?”

“Who cares, she’s gone!” 

The students scurried after her, books in hand, confusion only growing when she stopped in front of the trophy case.

“Hm,” she started, looking around at the kids. She was truly terrifying, but she had wide, soft eyes under her spectacles that made everyone else lean in, waiting for more.

“O Captain, my captain. Can anyone tell me where that comes from?” she asked. Sirius’ brows raised along with the corners of his lips. Behind him, Remus’ eyes flashed with recognition. 

“Not a one?” she asked, but didn’t scold. 

“O captain, my captain is taken out of a poem by Walt Whitman,” she told them all, then smirked mischievously.

“In this class you’ll be permitted to address me as Miss McGonagall,” some eyebrows shot up. Miss? At her age?

“Or you may address me as O captain, my captain,” she finished. That earned a laugh amongst the students. McGonagall looked down at her roll sheet.

“Miss Meadowes?” Dorcas raised her hand. 

“Yes dear, would you open your hymnal to page 542 and read the first stanza.”

“T-to the Virgins to Make Much of Time?” Dorcas asked, shrinking.

“Yes,” the students giggled collectively, “I thought it rather appropriate.” This was met with a louder response. McGonagall nodded to Dorcas.

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a flying,” she read. “And this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying.”

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” McGonagall hummed, “The Latin term for that sentiment is Carpe Diem. Can anyone tell me what that means?” Marlene smiled and raised her hand. 

“Yes, Miss…” McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

“Mckinnon,” Marlene supplied. 

“Ah, Mckinnon,” McGonagall gestured for Marlene to continue.

“It means seize the day,” Marlene told her proudly, probably glad to give one right answer that day. McGonagall smiled liked Marlene’s success had been her own.

“Right you are, Miss Mckinnon. Now, I’d like you all to step forward, and peruse some of the faces from the past,” she instructed, eyes shining. The kids stepped forward to look at the old photographs behind the wall of glass. Many of them recognized the grey and sepia toned faces as their parents or grandparents. Remus hung back, only glancing, until Sirius put a hand on his lower back and guided him forward. At the front of the pack, the two boys saw photos of their parents, of the people who had been on the lawn one day prior, and many more that they didn’t know at all. Everyone looked upon the photos with curiosity. What the hell did this have to do with English?

“They’re not so different from you lot, hm?” said McGonagall. The kids raised their eyebrows at her.

“Same haircuts. Full of raging hormones,” she teased, “Invincible, immortal, just like you feel.” The kids giggled, but leaned in closer to the glass, as if they were being pulled by an invisible string. Time seemed to slow, looking into the eyes of the people who raised them, who always told them they expected greatness.

“Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Their future awaiting them, just like you.” The air felt palpable, tangible, like Sirius could reach out and take a bite of it. Remus thought so too, except he was so on edge taking a bite might’ve made him sick.

“Do you think they waited until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable?” McGonagall mused aloud. She felt the gears in her kids’ brains turning. Some of them began to let their minds wander freely in search of an answer. They knew this wasn’t a question they were supposed to raise their hands for.

“If you listen closely, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you.” McGonagall breathed softly. The kids leaned in further, their breath now fogging up the glass. Remus could feel Sirius’ breath on his neck and for a moment he stopped trying to wriggle out of his grasp. Sirius was holding on tight to Remus’ jacket like it was the only thing keeping him upright. Their faces had gone slack as they stared intently at all the children who had walked Welton’s halls before them. James’ eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights. Mary, who never paid attention in English, had pushed her way towards the front of the group. Peter had an eyebrow dubiously raised and Dorcas had grabbed Marlene’s hand without thinking.

“Go on, really listen,” McGonagall told them, leaning in with them. The air had grown nothing short of reverent.

“ _Caaaarpe,”_ she whispered roughly. Peter jumped beside her. She began again.

“ _Caaaaarpe Dieeeem”_

_“Seize the day, kids. Make your lives extraordinary.”_


	4. Interlude: Dorcas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some sweeties :D   
> These interludes are a lot easier for me to write so until I go back to school it looks like there will be an interlude and chapter every other night.

“Marlene, are you sure this is gonna work?” Dorcas asked as Marlene connected another wire to a circuit board. The machine she was fiddling with began to emit a low whining noise before stuttering and going silent once more.

“Ugh! You try,” Marlene passed the device to Dorcas. The girls had been talking about building a radio ever since summer when Marlene had visited the Meadowes. Dorcas lived in a brick townhome in Boston, near the hospital where her father worked. It was truly in the heart of the city, and close to all kinds of entertainment. That summer, the girls had scoured bookshops, attended comedy nights, been to the ballet, but most importantly, found live music concerts. They went to see anyone they could from no name bands in tiny underground clubs to sneaking in the back of an Ella Fitzgerald gig. They had fallen in love. With the music, obviously, and when Marlene had to return home the idea of building a radio was born.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do if we’re not going to clubs every night,” Marlene had whined.

“Well, your parents have a radio, right?” Dorcas offered. Her parents had a radio as well, but they both knew it wasn’t the same.

“Yes, you’re right I’ll be just fine,” Marlene had told her. They sat together for a while, licking vanilla cones they had gotten from a vendor down the street. The girls had sprawled out of the steps leading up to Dorcas’ house. Summer in Boston was hot, and they had both sweated profusely through their blouses. Whoever designed women’s clothes never considered the concept of summer. Marlene suddenly shot up.

“What the hell are we going to do at school?” she had asked, eyes wide open. Dorcas knew what she was talking about: they weren’t allowed radios at school. She thought for a moment.

“Um… Well, I suppose we could just build our own?” Dorcas had offered.

“Oh, Meadowes, you genius!” Marlene had said and leant over to kiss her best friend right on the cheek.

Dorcas’ ears burned just thinking about it. After some time messing about, Dorcas must’ve done something right because the radio began to whine again.

“Yes, look! It’s working!” Marlene cried. She turned to Dorcas with so much glee in her eyes, Dorcas thought she might melt on the spot. She stared as Marlene moved the antenna around, trying to find a better signal. The antenna was a flimsy thing made of wire from a coat hanger. Dorcas suddenly had an idea:

“What if we got a spring from a mattress? That might work better!” Marlene smiled up at her.

“Meadowes, you absolute genius!” Dorcas wished Marlene would kiss her then, too.


	5. Chapter Three: James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends! Absolutely no content warnings for this chapter, it’s literally just crack.
> 
> Also, I’m exhausted but I wanted to post. Please let me know if there’s any spelling/grammar/tense errors and I will fix them tomorrow.
> 
> I would also deeply appreciate having a beta reader, so if you’re interested you can message me on tumblr (newautonomy), or drop your discord in the comments. I would be eternally grateful. :D
> 
> After the next interlude, I believe that will be the end of daily chapters and I’ll probably begin alternating days. :D
> 
> Much love <3

_A soul is light when full,_

_heavy when vacuous._

_My soul is light. She is not afraid_

_to dance the agony alone,_

_for I was born wearing your shirt,_

_will come from the dead with that shirt on._

_-Vera Pavlova, Steven Seymour, I am in love, hence free to live_

After a long day of class Sirius, James, and Mary sat in silence, waiting for dinner in their hidden spot by the woods. There was a large boulder on the far edge of the football field that they could all duck behind, and it was far enough away from any teacher’s windows that they wouldn’t be caught smoking. Marlene, Dorcas, and Peter had run off to ask their Chemistry teacher a question that James hadn’t been paying attention enough to hear, and Remus was nowhere to be found. James worried about that boy. They’d only just met yesterday, but whenever he saw him he looked on the verge of tears.

“What’s up with your roommate?” James asked, tapping Sirius’ foot with his own.

“Seemed like a stiff if you ask me,” interjected Mary. Sirius looked offended.

“He’s not stiff, he’s just scared,” Sirius defended, scandalized.

“Oh come on, scared of what?” Mary countered.

“Scared of you, to start,” Sirius muttered. Mary rolled her eyes James had to admit that she wasn’t very adept in subjects like understanding other people’s feelings. Sirius usually would’ve argued more, then tackled his friends to the ground and messed up Mary’s hair, not that she would’ve cared much. James noticed his old friend had come back to school this year far skinnier and with an extra weight on his chest. He worried about him.

“Sorry,” James said, gently, “I just didn’t know what his deal was.”

“He’s shy. Be nice to him,” Sirius instructed. His friends nodded, apologetic. They fell back into silence. James put his head on Mary’s shoulder and reached for Sirius’ hand. They all took a breath. It was nice to simply sit with them, especially after a long summer.

“Hey James, you’ll be at study group won’t you?” Sirius asked.

“Nope, sorry,” James told him. “I‘ve got to have dinner at the Snape’s house tonight.”

“The who?” Sirius asked, confused. 

“How the hell did you swing dinner at the Snape’s,” Mary piped up.

“I dunno. They’re friends of my dad’s,” James shrugged.

“They’re also big time alums, could probably give you a job that pays more than what my parents make combined,” Mary told him, lighting a cigarette.

“Maybe  _ you _ should have dinner with the Snape’s,” James teased.

“I would, but I hate old people smell,” Mary smiled back sweetly.

“You’re so rude! My parents aren’t even that old and neither are their friends!”

“Dude, your parents are so fucking ancient they-“

“Ok, ok!” Sirius interrupted, irritated, “You’ve got dinner with some old Welton family so who the hell is gonna help me with my Trig homework?” 

“Peter can help you,” James suggested. Sirius pretended to faint. 

“Oh, you wouldn’t resign me to Trig homework with Peter!”

“Tough luck,” said Mary, offering the cigarette to Sirius. He accepted it gratefully and took a long, agitated puff. 

“Sorry, I’ve got no choice,” James said, checking his watch, “and I’d better be off anyways!” 

With that, James strutted back into the building, buttoning his blazer and checking himself in any reflective surface. Welton at the beginning of the semester had this wonderful shine to it. All the trophy cases, picture frames, and even the floors glowed. They had yet to be tarnished by a school year’s worth of living. James’ footsteps echoed in the empty halls, dinner must’ve started early. He hoped Sirius and Mary knew they were late. James turned a corner and saw the headmaster waiting for him at the front door.

“Mr. Dumbledore,” he greeted.

“Mr. Potter,” the man nodded politely, “all set?”

“Yes sir,” James told him. Thus began the most tense thirty minute car ride of his entire life, and James had ridden in the car alone with Peter’s mom. James knew he wasn’t exactly the most well behaved student. To be fair, he wasn’t as bad as Mary, but he never could turn down the invitation to cause a little well-intentioned mischief. Though James had never been caught in the act, Dumbledore knew who he hung out with, hence the raised position of James’ shoulders. He just needed to get to the Snapes’ house without saying something to trigger a lecture. He stared at the fields just outside the window until Dumbledore pulled him out of his thoughts.

“You know, son,” he began, “you have great potential.” Cool. Great.

“What do you mean, sir?” James asked. He knew what he meant. Dumbledore had been hounding James about the same thing since he was twelve. James, Sirius, and Mary were always written all over everything that went wrong at school. From missing papers to green toilet water, the kids had pulled off every prank they could without a hitch. Dumbledore didn’t know it, but Peter frequently joined them as well.

“I just mean that you and your lot don’t need to mess around the way that you do,” Dumbledore told him.

“I really don’t know what you mean,” James feigned innocence.

“You, Black, Macdonald-“

“What’s wrong with Mary?” James batted his eyelashes like he was clueless.

“Though you’d do well to keep Pettigrew by your side-”

“Sirius is one of your best students, you know,” James smiled brightly.

“And perhaps if you could take the Lupin boy under your wing-”

“Next only to Dorcas Meadowes,” he mused.

“I could even make a roommate switch if you and Lupin were to suggest it?”

“No. Thank you,” James told him. Their conversations always went something like that. Dumbledore had always put such a heavy weight on James’ shoulders, harder than James’ parents ever had, and he could never figure out why. He usually got the brunt of all the pressure towards the end of the semester, along with his final essays and exams. Dumbledore always wanted something from him and he could never figure out what.

The rest of the car ride passed in silence as James stared out the window at vast expanses of green dotted by occasional grand mansions. When one of the mansions turned out to be the Snape’s, James began straightening his tie. Dumbledore stopped the car only long enough for James to get out.

“I’ll be back at eight,” he told James before quickly driving off. James brushed his blazer out for wrinkles one last time and knocked on the door. 

“Severus dear, could you get that?” James heard from inside amongst a chorus of clanging pots and pans.

“I’ve got it!” A red-haired girl said as she opened the door. The girl was a bit shorter than James, but only by about an inch. She had deep red hair that flowed in waves down to her waist and blue eyes that could drill a hole in James’ skull. He was both intimidated and entirely captivated. She stared at him with one eyebrow raised, waiting for him to say something

“Mrs. Snape?” James asked. The girl laughed and, God, it was the prettiest sound James had ever heard. 

“You’re funny,” the girl said, “I’m Lily.” That’s a bit of a relief, James thought. Lily quirked her eyebrow higher. James knew he was supposed to say his own name now, maybe reach out and shake her hand, but his breath fluttered down to his lungs unevenly. He took another breath.

“I’m uh- James,” he finally stuttered. Lily opened the door a bit wider.

“Well come in, ‘uh James’, you’re early.” James couldn’t help but blush at the way she had mocked him and it was all he could do not to trip over his own feet. The Snape’s house was quite large and a bit confusing. It was made entirely of dark stained wood paneling and complete with a grey stone floor. That, combined with dim lighting, made the hallways feel like they could swallow James up at any second. Any sense of direction James once possessed had left, and he couldn’t do anything except follow the confident, bouncing red waves in front of him. Lily led him to a large sitting room complete with two separate, emerald green couches and directed them towards two large leather chairs by the fireplace.

“You go to Welton, right?” She asked as they sat. 

“No- I mean yes. Duh. Sorry,” James was having trouble thinking coherent thoughts, let alone speaking in full sentences. Lily laughed and they went quiet for a moment. 

“Where do you go?” James added, a bit late if he was honest. Lily grinned.

“Ridgeway,” she told him.

“Ah,” James said, as if he knew where Ridgeway was, “Do you like it there?”

“Oh yeah,” he told him, enthusiastically, “I’m on math team, and cheer team for Sev since he plays football, and I’m trying to get a book club started. We’d all get together and act out scenes and discuss what we thought, that sort of thing. But I’ve always thought it would be cool to go to Welton, or Balincrest for that matter. I’d love to go somewhere that values education like they do. Plus, you guys get to dress up in- oh my God I’m rambling.” Lily blushed enthusiastically. James wished he hadn’t talking, and he told her so.

“No! You can keep going,” James said with a smile, and then turned just as red as Lily. She gave him an odd look. He wanted to say something, anything, but had absolutely no clue what. They fell into an awkward silence.

“I didn’t know the Snapes had a daughter,” he finally settled on.

“Oh!” Lily laughed again, “I’m not- they’re not- Sev is my boyfriend.” Oh. James’ shoulders slumped slightly. As if on cue, a greasy headed boy James assumed was ‘Sev’, walked in and wrapped a tight arm around Lily. The look he gave James made his stomach churn. Well, this was shaping up to be a bit of an awkward night.

—

Back at school, the study group looked as chaotic as James felt. They were by far the noisiest table in the common area, and other students had begun to leave because of them. There were homework papers scattered all over their table, and only about half were currently in use. Dorcas and Marlene were fussing over their radio and Mary was studiously flicking her lighter open and closed, which annoyed Sirius to no end.

“If you don’t stop I swear I’ll throw that out the window,” he threatened. Mary sighed, but did as she was told. 

“Why you would want to focus on Trig with  _ Peter,  _ I’ll never know,” she told him.

“Oi,” Peter said.

“I’ve only got to do  _ Trig with Peter _ because James is at his stupid little dinner,” Sirius grumbled.

“ _ Oi!”  _ Peter chirped again. Sirius felt a pang of guilt.

“Sorry Peter,” he told him shortly but sincerely, “you were talking about cosine?”

“Yes cosine is just the opposite over adjacent sides of theta,” Peter told him proudly.

“Right,” Sirius was at his wits end, “so why the FUCK do I have the wrong answer.” Sirius nearly broke his pencil for gripping it so hard. Peter began to rub his temples, he should’ve never said yes to helping Sirius with Trig.

When James got back he didn’t notice any of it when and slumped down, sighing. Mary, glad for any form of entertainment, spoke first.

“Hey! How was dinner?” 

“Awful,” James told her, burying his face in his arms. Sirius looked up.

“Why? What happened?” he asked James, carefully.

“I met the girl I’m going to marry,” he told them, glancing up. The whole table had abandoned what they were doing by now, preferring to focus on the conversation at hand.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Dorcas asked, softly, as if it were obvious.

“The Snapes have a daughter,” Mary raised an eyebrow.

“No and  _ no _ ,” James whined. There was a beat.

“You  _ fucked _ Mrs. Snape!” Mary cried. 

“Oh dear,” said Marlene.

“I knew you had it in you!” Sirius cheered.

“No!” James shouted to a couple of nosy onlookers, turning red, “No.”

“Then who?” pressed Sirius.

“That’s just it,” James told them, “It’s their son’s fucking girlfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you’re interested in beta reading for me (I have nothing to give you, except maybe being a beta reader in return), please message me on tumblr (newautonomy).


	6. Interlude: Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely boys being lovely.
> 
> I almost forgot to post this bc I was facetiming my friend abt doom eternal... anyways here’s this little thing. <3

“You weren’t at study group,” Sirius said, sauntering back into his and Remus’ room. Remus looked up from his Latin work laid out on the desk.

“I thought I told you I wasn’t coming?” Remus replied without looking up. His voice was small, almost too low for Sirius to hear.

“You did. But there’s a difference between saying you won’t come and then actually not coming.” Sirius leaned against his roommate’s desk almost haughtily.

“Not really?” Remus said, a little louder.

“Why won’t you come?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Why won’t you come?” Sirius demanded.

“Why do you care so much?”

“Come on, we live together.”

“I don’t know you!” Remus told him rather ferociously. It was a little embarrassing, but he really wanted Sirius to stop asking and leave him be. This was the first time anyone at Welton had heard Remus’ real voice. It was smooth and low and did something to the hair on the back of Sirius’ neck.

“I’m Sirius Black and you’re Remus Lupin. We’re roommates, we met yesterday, remember?” Sirius mocked. This earned a reluctant smile out of Remus.

“No- I mean yes I- God! I mean I don’t really know you,” Remus explained, as if saying it that way made any more sense. To Sirius it did.

“Well you could,” Sirius suggested.

“I could?” Remus raised his eyebrows.

“You could.”

“I could.”

“And I could know you.”

“You could?”

“You keep doing this thing where you repeat what I say and I’m beginning to think you’re making fun of me,” Sirius teased, moving to settle on the edge of Remus’ bed, reaching to poke the taller boy softly in the side of his head. Remus grinned cheekily and claimed innocence.

“I am?”

“You are.”

“I am.”

“Oh, shut up,” Sirius smiled, a real, honest to God smile with crinkly eyes and teeth and his tongue sticking out between the gaps. And Remus didn’t shut up. Not this time.


End file.
